Reflections: Not Today and Every Day
by Iruka-chan2
Summary: Post series. A two parter in which Yuki Eiri and Shindou Shuichi each reflect on love.
1. Not Today

Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright of Gravitation, or the characters of Yuki Eiri and Shindou Shuichi

Gravitation Pairing: Yuki Eiri x Shindou Shuichi

Warning: Straight from the tree (can't get any sappier); and yes, it's another fic involving the double meaning of "reflection" while the character stands in front of a mirror

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_Love, from Yuki's Point-of-View: Not Today _

Yuki assessed his reflection in the mirror with a critical eye honed by daily practice. Despair and hard-living had taken their toll, certainly; however, the lines in his forehead were still relatively faint and the silver strands in his hair were still relatively few.

He lifted his cigarette and dragged at it absently. That the lines weren't deeper could be attributed to Shuichi's efforts—which consisted of frequent reminders to stop frowning and smoothing them with a caressing finger if Yuki didn't listen. He was quite fit, too, due to Shuichi's involvement in his exercise regimen, wholesome and otherwise. Yuki could not think of an explanation for why his hair wasn't entirely white from living with that very same Shuichi day-in and day-out.

All right. Back to the point. So perhaps his outward appearance had not yet changed significantly enough to affect any physical attraction Shuichi had for him. For the time being.

Inwardly, though—here he knew he _had_ changed, and it worried him a little more each time he did this. He wasn't the same man, broken by self-loathing, Shuichi had fallen in love with. That love had saved him, but the flip-side of that coin was that he no longer had debilitating pain for Shuichi to heal, and he no longer withheld anything for Shuichi to draw out of him. No more challenge and no more mystery.

To add to that problem, happiness was gradually taking its toll on him as well: he was a little more affectionate, a little less aloof…he had become positively soft from it, in his opinion. Too much softer and Shuichi would think him nice. Unfortunately, "nice" was hardly a quality to inspire passion and Yuki treasured Shuichi's passion; it was one of his few redeeming qualities, despite a tendency to manifest in over-emotional outbursts. Yet even being aware of all of this, he could no more stop himself than he could stop an avalanche already in motion.

The cigarette bore the brunt of his annoyance with himself as he stubbed it out in the ashtray. He gave Shuichi everything he had by loving him—at what point might Shuichi realize it was no longer enough?

Anticipating it, he had begun staring at his image in the mirror on a regular basis and reflecting on his emotional slippage in morbid fascination.

"Yuki! I'm home!" Shuichi called, and Yuki had just enough time to turn toward him before being enveloped in an enthusiastic hug. Yuki allowed himself the briefest of moments to relax in the embrace before pulling away.

"You're early. Did K kick you out because the lyrics weren't done?" Yuki started for his study, even though he didn't need to start on a new book just yet.

"I finished them last night!" Shuichi insisted, and launched into his typical hyperactive babble about Bad Luck's antics in the studio as he half-skipped, half-bounced down the hall alongside Yuki. His angst receded in the normalcy of irritation with Shuichi, just as it always did.

And as he lay in bed with Shuichi curled tight against him in the dark, he gave a little sigh of relief. It might all come to an end tomorrow, or next month, or years from now. But not today.

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**A/N: **I _should_ be working on my Prince of Tennis fic, since months have passed since my last update. But here this is instead… Now that the dust of my life has settled somewhat, maybe this will jumpstart the writing momentum again. In any case, I do have a second-part in mind for this one and hope to get to it soon.

So what did you think of this non-previewed, possibly rushed first part? Let me know, please!


	2. Every Day

**Reflections: Not Today and Every Day**

Disclaimer/warning/etc.: see Part 1 (writing stuff goes with Yuki, anyway), and take the Sap Alert very, very seriously. Thank you Maki Murakami for bringing Gravitation into our lives!

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Love, from Shindou's Point-of-View: Every Day_

Shindou was not one for deep thinking or having a long attention span, generally. (Whether this was the cause or an effect of his boundless energy was as unknowable as whether the chicken or the egg came first.) Therefore, during band meetings Shindou coped with his restlessness through other means, such as by finger-painting on the highly-reflective table with water from his glass.

There. He had given his image cat ears and a mustache, though he'd intended the latter to be whiskers originally. Hiro glanced over, then gave Shindou a sympathetic smile before returning his attention to the conversation.

Shindou sighed. He should be listening, too, but there were some things he didn't want to know. Like how much money they would be making off of this new deal. Or how the competition was scrambling in their wake. As long as they had K and Sakano-san to keep the business practices honest, the material aspects were irrelevant to him. All it meant was that he could afford to buy a new table if the water drawings were a problem. Actually, stains of his doodling probably would make it more valuable, if it came to that.

Eiri's voice promptly intruded into his mind, scolding him for the idea. "Don't get conceited on top of everything else. Already the size of your head is too large for the size of your brain."

Despite the mental remonstrance, the thought of Eiri brought a smile to Shindou's face, and he started swiveling his seat from side to side. Eiri had not pulled away immediately from Shindou's hug yesterday. He'd been in transports, of course, but Eiri's usual caustic comment had diverted him from expressing his joy. Well, he could dwell on it all he wanted now, without it bothering Eiri…. For the rest of the meeting, Shindou indulged in further reminiscing about this and other kindnesses Eiri had showed toward him lately.

His daydreaming did not go unnoticed, of course: as everyone began dispersing, one of the Americans commented on it, in fact. The translation was that he thought Shindou's happy expression was because he would be an international sensation that rivaled "insect-mania." On the way back to the studio, Shindou puzzled over the "insect mania" part—picturing legions of fans wearing khaki safari outfits and waving butterfly nets at concerts—but soon shrugged it off as yet another cultural quirk.

The recording session went very late into the night; management was that much more intent on productivity after closing the deal with this new American record company. Shindou maintained his usual manic enthusiasm throughout, which left him drained to the point he barely managed to get to his limousine before collapsing in exhaustion. Nor did he wake until he felt himself being lifted by someone who smelled of smoke, cologne, and a hint of sugar.

"Yuki…" Shindou murmured, pressing his face into his lover's shirt—both to snuggle closer and to block the brightness of the entryway.

"So. Today wasn't the day you decided to leave me after all." Eiri's voice sounded almost mocking, but in his stupor, Shindou had the strange thought that it was not directed at him for once.

"Leave you?" Shindou answered him seriously anyway, if a bit groggily. "I've told you before: I won't ever leave you. Silly Yuki."

"No?" The soft reply roused Shindou enough that he looked up, light or no light. Eiri had a half-smile on his face, and the tenderness in it made Shindou pinch himself to ensure that he wasn't dreaming.

The result was inevitable. "Ow!" he exclaimed. Eiri's smile merely widened into one of amusement rather than melting away into his imagination. "Now who's silly…" Eiri said in his usual derisive tone before unromantically dumping Shindou on the bed and stalking out of the room without even a good night.

Shindou muttered grumpily to himself as he changed into his pajamas and crawled under the covers. Having achieved this much, fatigue overwhelmed him again; he was failing to muster the energy needed to turn off the lamp when Eiri returned, wearing his glasses and carrying his laptop. Shindou watched through half-slitted eyes as Eiri rearranged the pillows, sat down next to him, and turned out the light—all very carefully, as if trying not to disturb Shindou. Smiling to himself, Shindou closed his eyes completely; the sound of typing faded away very soon afterward.

Some time later, the gentle touch of a hand resting on his hair brought Shindou—a light sleeper no matter how tired—back out of his unconsciousness. Eiri whispered, "Idiot. You shouldn't be so confident that you won't leave me eventually. What have I ever given you to equal the shining radiance you give me, which surpasses even hope?"

Instinct led him to believe he heard sadness and remorse in the beloved voice; only subconsciously did he know that something must have shaken Eiri deeply tonight. Eiri would never express such emotion aloud otherwise.

He raised his head and squinted at Eiri. In the glow from the laptop screen, Eiri's beauty seemed more ethereal than ever, yet the harsh contrast with the dark room also deepened the lines in his face and bleached his hair to white. The latter aspects rather than the former made Eiri all the more dear to him: emotion caught in his throat and rendered him unable to speak.

"Shuichi?"

Instead of answering, Shindou scooted himself into a sitting position, leaned over, and kissed Eiri with all his heart. Eiri returned the kiss just as passionately, cradling Shindou's face with both hands. In moments like these, Eiri reiterated how much he loved him, and Shindou had long ago ceased feeling the lack of the actual words.

"Oh, Eiri…haven't you realized by now?" Shindou said after drawing away so he could wrap his arms tightly about Eiri, who hesitated, then slid an arm across the back of Shindou's shoulders. Shindou continued, "You do give me what I want and what I need by being by my side, even when we're apart. And rather than in an occasional grand gesture, you give it in small pieces, each and every day."

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**A/N:** I wish to acknowledge that I incorporated a line from an English translation of "Shining Collection" in this chapter. Giving credit where credit is due—the translation was done by Anna Valentine (thank you for such an emotionally beautiful rendition), and was found on the Animelyrics website. 


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